a little piano piece for my girlfriend - advices needed!

**bosone** · 10-11-2010, 04:55 PM

hi to all!
it has been a while since my last post here!
i'd like to give you my last little piano piece:

http://www.alchemystudio.it/mp3/in_viaggio.mp3
(meaning "travelling")

it is somewhat simple, it came from a melody i wrote while i was in china with my girlfriend.
now i am trying to arrange it, record it and write the sheet in order to give her for her birthday.
but since i'm not a piano player i was only able to play it divided in pieces and then arranging it on the sequencer.

what do you think about the arrangement and about the performance?
what should i improve??

consider that the sheet music will be written on a single A4 sheet, so i cannot develop very much the theme and keep the song too long...

thank you for your help, it's very appreciated!
bye!

**voclizr** · 10-11-2010, 05:13 PM

Very pretty! I can't think of a thing I'd change. Sounds great as it is. The recording, audio wise, might benefit from just a tad more high end, but if this was a MIDI recording that can be very hard to accomplish (see my recent post "Gone Mellow"). If this was recorded on a real acoustic piano raising the upper end of the dynamic range will probably be much easier in your mix. Sorry I can't help you with the manuscript part. There are probably some guys here who can though.

I enjoyed the listen very much. Thanks for presenting this.

Regards;
John B.

**Michael A. Wiktor** · 10-11-2010, 07:50 PM

bosone,

Dynamics. Have more dynamic variations; some softer areas please.
Watch the non harmonics - some seemed a bit shrill.

Just my opinion... otherwise, a great little piano work indeed!

Hope this helps.

M

**sunbird** · 10-12-2010, 03:48 AM

Hi bosone,

This is a very sweet piece!

I don't think there's something to change with the composition itself
except maybe add one more voicing here and there for more variation.

What I would change is some of the velocities to make it softer and rounded,
just like you play at the beginning, especially in the left hand part.

Lovely!

~Yudit~

**bosone** · 10-13-2010, 02:55 PM

hi to everyone!
i managed to edit a second version of the piece, with more dynamics and some very small harmonic variation.
i hope it is almost finished!

http://www.alchemystudio.it/mp3/In_viaggio2.mp3

thanks again!

**bionicbub** · 10-13-2010, 03:05 PM

Originally Posted by bosone

hi to everyone!
i managed to edit a second version of the piece, with more dynamics and some very small harmonic variation.
i hope it is almost finished!

http://www.alchemystudio.it/mp3/In_viaggio2.mp3

thanks again!

Bosone --

This very beautiful little piece is a jewel! Your girlfriend should value it like a diamond when you give it to her...

The only suggestion I might offer is that the left hand is just slightly too heavy on the first downbeat of many bars in the first part of the piece... it's much better in the second part. If you could just reduce some of the velocity on that first downbeat, I believe it might help to smooth things out overall.

You did make some nice changes in it since the beginning. It is maturing with every revision. Please don't stop now!!!

Best wishes

Arvid

**robh** · 10-13-2010, 03:45 PM

You have a chord around the 24 second mark that grates against my ears. It appears you are playing an E minor chord but adding and F natural in the lower right hand. I would change that note to a G and keep it a G until you move to the F chord.

By the way, why limit yourself to one page?

Rob

**bosone** · 10-13-2010, 04:53 PM

thanks again for the comment.
why one page?
ok, here's the story...
when we were in a flea market in paris we saw a beautiful painting in which there was a piano score with a hand drawing on it, depicting a woman face, if i remember well.
she liked it a lot and said: "Look, we have to make one of these by ourselves! you must write the music and i will make a drawing on, it will be beautiful!"
so... months later, i came up with this piano piece: i will give her both a cd-version to listen to and the music score, hand written on a paper so that she can draw the "painting" on it... and by the way, part of my present for her birthday is also brand-new set of excellent color crayons... a very elaborate birthday gift, anyway!

so, this is the reason why the music has to fit to a single page!

**stevec** · 10-19-2010, 03:06 PM

Just to echo what others have written, for me it's all about note velocities. It sounds as though you're banging the keys pretty hard for a good bit of it. I would not only reduce note velocities in each passage, but the notes within each chord as well. It's difficult to play a chord and have every note hit at the exact same level! Perhap leave the leading notes slightly above the others?

I would also reduce the velocities in some of the trills from 0:55 on which IMO should be a little "lighter".

But other than the E/F thing, I wouldn't change the composition - just the performance.

**sd cisco** · 11-01-2010, 06:47 PM

It has plenty of pleasing harmonies and you you have a well figured-out design. I would be tempted to experiment with the tempo. I would slow it down quite a bit, listen to what happens and to what the piece is telling you, in terms of added nuance.
Have fun and thank you for posting!

Best regards,
sd cisco