• Register
  • Help
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26

Topic: Musician's Jokes! :)

  1. #1

    Musician\'s Jokes! :)

    I\'d like to hear some original musicians jokes from all of you funny guys!

    I\'ve gathered a few myself:

    Q: What\'s the difference between a washing machine and a cellist?
    A: Vibrato.

    Q: What\'s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a crushed cello in the road?
    A: Skid marks before the skunk.

    Q: What do a cello and a lawsuit have in common?
    A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

    Q: What is the range of a cello?
    A: As far as you can kick it.

    Q: What\'s the difference between the first and last desk of a cello section?
    A1: Half a measure.
    A2: A semi-tone.

    Q: Why can\'t you hear a cello on a digital recording?
    A: Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

    (so that\'s why my AO cellos are inaudiable

    Q: Why did the cellist marry the accordion player?
    A: Upward mobility.

    Keep em coming!

  2. #2

    Re: Musician\'s Jokes! :)

    Q: What is the difference between a cello and a viola?
    A: The cello burns longer

    Q: How do you make a viola player play staccato?
    A: Write a semibreve and put solo above it.

  3. #3

    Re: Musician\'s Jokes! :)

    A beautiful young lady was a flautist in a well known symphony orchestra. She had a bit of a reputation for going after the men in the orchestra, and after a few months, had gone through the male musicians in every section in the orchestra except for the brass.

    She eventually got around to setting up a date with the principal trumpeter. After the date her best friend asked what the trumpeter was like. She replied, \"He was alright I suppose, but he was a terrible kisser - his lips were really tight and puckered\".

    The next evening she took the tuba player out. After this date her friend asked her what he was like. She replied, \"It was horrible. You couldn\'t kiss him properly as his lips were just too big and covered in drool!\"

    After this the flautist was getting a bit weary of brass players, but decided to ask out the Principal Horn player just to complete the section. After the date she met up with her friend who couldn\'t help but notice the huge smile on the flautists face. Her friend asked, \"Was he a good kisser then?\". The flautist replied, \"No, but you should have seen the way that he held me with his right hand!\"

  4. #4

    Re: Musician\'s Jokes! :)


    ..that\'ll keep you busy for a while!


    Andrea G. Pessino (not female, just Italian)
    Blizzard Entertainment

  5. #5

    Re: Musician\'s Jokes! :)

    OK, here are a couple of good ones.

    A guy goes to a mall and leaves his accordian in the back of his car, hoping someone will steal it. When he comes out, he notices the rear window of his car has been smashed. He looks in the back seat of his car and finds....two accordians...

    A man asks his son \'What do you want to be when you grow up?\'. \'A drummer\' replies the boy.\'Well, you can\'t do both!\' says the man.

    On a slightly different note, but still very funny:

    A friend is having trouble with his system. Last year he upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which he\'d used for years without trouble. However, apparently there are conflicts between these two systems, the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend with the sound turned off.
    But to make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as; Lads Night Out 3.1, Golf 2 and Playboy 6.0.
    Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better, Girlfriend 3.0 has many bugs and left a virus in his system, forcing him to shut down completely for several weeks.

    Eventually he tried installing Girlfriend 2.1 as well as Girlfriend 1.0 only to discover when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all his hardware.

    Sensing a way out, he upgraded to Fiancée 1.0 only to discover to his dismay that this system requires rapid upgrading to Wife 1.0. However, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2001.

    But imagine my friend’s disappointment though on discovering Wife 1.0 can be unstable and costly to maintain, any mistakes he makes are automatically stored in Wife 1.0 Hardrive and cannot be deleted. They can re-surface months or even years later.

    Wife 1.0 also has an automatic InterDiary Explorer and E-mail Porn Filter.

    Wife 1.0 also automatically runs PhotoSTROP and WINGEzip and no option on the Help menu seems to work, leaving him to try and GUESS the fault himself. The system footprint needs updating regularly requiring Shoeshop Browser Pro for new attachments. Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every week.

    It also refused some of the new Games and attachments he wanted to try, stating they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to Lotus Car 1.0 it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-law, which can\'t be turned off.

    Recently he\'s been tempted to try Mistress 2001 add-on, but there could be problems. If wife 1.0 detects the presence of mistress 2001, it will delete all MS Money files before un-installing itself.

    Does this sound like a common problem?


  6. #6

    Re: Musician\'s Jokes! :)

    Hahaha funny stuff Chris! I laughed loud when I read it

    Some funny sh*t from the rest of you guys as well!

    Z6, you\'re the standup comedian on this forum, contribute! now is your time!

    keep em coming!


  7. #7

    Re: Musician\'s Jokes! :)

    How do you know when a drummer\'s at your door?

    There\'s a knock and it keeps getting slower.

    How do you know when there\'s a soprano at your door?

    She doesn\'t have the key, and doesn\'t know when to come in.

  8. #8

    Re: Musician\'s Jokes! :)

    Sorry Thomas. I don\'t know any jokes. But I\'m enjoying these.

    How sad am I? I don\'t know a single joke. I think this is because growing up with my brother, he was a famous joke teller and I had to listen to every one a billion times apiece.

    I enjoy reading jokes but I get scared when people tell me jokes in person; too much pressure.

  9. #9

    Re: Musician\'s Jokes! :)

    Hahaha Don\'t sweat it, Z6. I\'m sure it\'ll come to you I\'m enjoying this topic! I really like hearing people\'s musician jokes. Where I come from the same jokes are just rotating. I\'m getting tired of them. Need some new material!

    Anyway I\'m laughing here, so just keep on writing!


  10. #10

    Re: Musician\'s Jokes! :)

    Hmm... trying to translate it in my poor english...

    Sit two cello players in a cafe. Next minute a musician comes along.

    Laughing at all other posts

    [This message has been edited by PolarBear (edited 03-29-2002).]

Go Back to forum

Tags for this Thread


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts