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Topic: Funny Stuff: Americans with No Abilities Act

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  1. #1
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    Funny Stuff: Americans with No Abilities Act

    Snopes.com has reported that contrary to rumor Congress is not considering an Americans with No Abilities Act.


    AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT - CONGRESSIONAL ACT 2006


    WASHINGTON , DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

    "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

    The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

    Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

    Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

    Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

    Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

    "As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. "



  2. #2

    Re: Funny Stuff: Americans with No Abilities Act

    At Last!!!! Something to help people like me! I prefer the term "ability challenged". I would protest, but I can't seem to get up the gumption.

    LOL

    This is great,
    Paul

    Prowland the posting Ninja

  3. #3

    Re: Funny Stuff: Americans with No Abilities Act

    This is amusing. Yet, if this were to be real, this would do nothing to fix our lack of talent problem. Take a look at how many Americans graduating from school actually want or know how to get to a high position in the business world...
    Colton J. Provias
    Film Score Composer, Location Sound Mixer, and Sound Editor
    Full-stack Web Developer

  4. #4

    Re: Funny Stuff: Americans with No Abilities Act

    I'm very surprised they are not seriously considering
    passing this act.

    Most of Congress would be eligible for benefits.

    David
    www.DavidSosnowski.com
    .

  5. #5

    Re: Funny Stuff: Americans with No Abilities Act

    Congress can do stuff. They can strike fear into the hearts of millons. Spend our money on their vacations. Tax us to oblivion. And steal candy from babies...then making it legal for them to do so.
    Colton J. Provias
    Film Score Composer, Location Sound Mixer, and Sound Editor
    Full-stack Web Developer

  6. #6

    Re: Funny Stuff: Americans with No Abilities Act


  7. #7

    Re: Funny Stuff: Americans with No Abilities Act

    I prefer this complaint department: complaints.timberwolfmusic.com
    Colton J. Provias
    Film Score Composer, Location Sound Mixer, and Sound Editor
    Full-stack Web Developer

  8. #8
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Re: Funny Stuff: Americans with No Abilities Act


    That's why I make the big bucks, son.
    Styxx

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