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Topic: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Talking Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    1. Stop giving me that pop-up for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days ... mowing my lawn!

    2. Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of ***** chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain, Trout?

    3. If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the card are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men!

    4. Ladies, leave your eyebrows along. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? OKay, we're done.

    5. There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste! Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt ... that's your flavored water!

    6. Stop messing with old people! Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square with a bigger label. The top is now on the bottom and by the time Grandpa figures out how to open it his ace will be in the morgue.
    Congradulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

    7. I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my Pin number, pressing Enter, verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my ALmond Joy.

    8. I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&M's, I'll go nuts and eat two!

    9. If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie!

    10. No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now, it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving ... it's the white people version of looting.

    11. This one is long overdue. No more bathroom attendents! After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had ... well you get the idea. I can't tell if he's supposed to be there or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
    Styxx

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tom Crowning's Avatar
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    Re: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    Quote Originally Posted by Styxx
    1. Stop giving me that pop-up for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days ... mowing my lawn!
    I like this one

    When I said something similar to an old classmate some years ago
    he titled me as quite arrogant.

    Maybe I shouldn't have asked 'what did you do during the last 20 years ?'

  3. #3

    Re: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    Quote Originally Posted by Styxx
    1. Stop giving me that snip... snip... want to wash my hands.
    whoa! someone needs to try some new meds!

    how about:

    12. I will stop taking minor annoyances which really don't affect me in any fundamental way quite so seriously

  4. #4

    Talking Re: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    Quote Originally Posted by Styxx
    Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days ... mowing my lawn!
    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I apologize to any football captians, but this was TOO FUNNY because just last night I had a dream that this one kid at school, who I don't particularly like who happens to be a football player, was a fly and I was chasing him around with a fly swatter. I was just about to get him when my alarm clock starting playing the Orpheus in the Underworld Overture by Offenbach. (excuse my spelling)

    ROFLOL!!!!!





    -Chris

  5. #5

    Re: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    10. No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now, it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving ... it's the white people version of looting.
    I thought it was quite funny until this point.

  6. #6

    Re: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    Gosh, Styxx, ya took the words right outa my mouth.

    I want to add "no more things with batteries in 'em" to your list.

    I estimate I now spend approximately twenty-seven hours each month changing batteries in keyboards, mouses, the 45 remote controls I have (half of which I don't know what they control), the quartz-movement clocks on the walls, the garage door openers, my watch (which I never wear anyway), all those 75 doo-hickies on every door and window on the alarm system, the three portable radios, the iPod, the two CD players, the call retriever dingus for the telephone answering machine, all the flashlights I need because the power goes out every ten minutes up here, and, and, and...

    Projecting a growth curve against the number of things I hadda stuff batteries in twenty years ago, I estimate that on June 8th, 2009 I will be changing batteries in things 19 hours a day, 365 days a year.

    Fortunately I rarely sleep more then five hours a night, but come June 9th, 2009? This is going to start cutting into my sleep.

    David
    www.DavidSosnowski.com
    -

  7. #7
    Senior Member M.A.S>'s Avatar
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    Re: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    No more 'convenience' devices designed to use up all my time trying to figure out how in the **** to make them convenient!


    Michael

  8. #8

    Re: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    Quote Originally Posted by M.A.S>
    No more 'convenience' devices designed to use up all my time trying to figure out how in the **** to make them convenient!


    Michael
    AMEN!!!!

  9. #9
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Re: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cerrabore
    I thought it was quite funny until this point.
    Sorry, it's only meant to be humorous.
    Styxx

  10. #10

    Re: Subject: Some New Rules for 2006.

    No more commercials of reality shows showing people eating live spiders, donkey testicles, or maggot laced carcasses. If I wanted to see that stuff, I'd watch your stupid show, but now you're making it impossible for me to avoid it. I already know that there are some people that will abandon all semblance of pride for a few bucks- you don't need to remind me every ten minutes.

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