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Topic: Twas The Night Before Christmas - Legal Version

  1. #1
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    West Seneca, NY

    Talking Twas The Night Before Christmas - Legal Version

    This one was quite short so I lengthen it.

    Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did
    occur at a certain improved piece of real property
    (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all
    creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

    A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had
    been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the
    hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/
    Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime

    The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the
    aforementioned House were located in their individual beds
    and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams,
    wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not
    limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance,
    cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

    Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter
    referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of
    the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter
    "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period
    of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various
    forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)

    Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did
    occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and
    appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption
    of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of
    the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House
    to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

    At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with
    some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh
    (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very
    rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer.
    The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the
    previously referenced Claus.

    Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and
    guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and
    specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name:
    Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and
    Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and
    belief, it is further asserted an additional co-conspirator
    named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

    The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and
    the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs
    of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity
    of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden
    with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or
    nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission,
    either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House,
    and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

    Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially
    covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large
    sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages,
    toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared
    to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local
    ordinances and health regulations.

    Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the
    stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the
    chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did
    not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to
    the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

    Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his
    nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the
    House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or
    served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an
    unknown destination.

    However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and
    Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear
    Claus state and/or exclaim:

    "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words
    to that effect.

  2. #2

    Re: Twas The Night Before Christmas - Legal Version

    I selfishly pray that you never regain your sanity.

  3. #3

    Re: Twas The Night Before Christmas - Legal Version

    he he he

    That's a great version Styxx!! I especially LOVE the legal-ese!!

    Thanks for the laugh!!!


  4. #4
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    West Seneca, NY

    Re: Twas The Night Before Christmas - Legal Version

    Thanks but I can't take credit for them. They are old and I am surprised I remembered.

  5. #5

    Re: Twas The Night Before Christmas - Legal Version

    Now that's funny.

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