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Topic: Big Band fines. $$$

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Talking Big Band fines. $$$

    MUSICAL OFFENCES Obnoxious show-off warm up $25 Vibrato on unison passage $50 Failure to swing $1000 Sound checking section mike with obnoxious jazz licks $15 Playing highest note possible during warm up $15 Raising hand after making mistake $15 Practicing multiple tonguing not called for on gig $15 Failure to use 3rd valve slide when necessary $50 Being told by conductor to play louder $400 Taking tuning note up octave $25 Taking tuning note up 2 octaves $2500 Playing Bb when band tunes on A $75 Blacking out after high note $20


    LEAD TRUMPET PLAYERS Changing mouthpiece mid song $15 Missing high lick then mentioning previous gigs that day $25 Faking section into early entrance $10 Faking self into early entrance $20 Asking leader if it's ok to take lick up $25 Asking leader if it's ok to take lick down $400 Taking lick down on gig that you took up on rehearsal $100 Missing last note of 'In The Mood' $200


    NON LEAD PLAYERS Missing entrance when leader drops out on unison $15 Hanging over past lead player on last chord $100 Attempting unassigned high lick lead player biffs $50 Asking lead player what mouthpiece he uses $75 Pointing out to lead player that guy on record took last passage up $20 Attempting to out-screach lead player on last chord $100 Successfully out-screaming lead player at any time $500


    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS Dropping mute $10 Dropping horn $20 + repairs Dropping dead Warning Forgetting pencil $20 Forgetting mutes $50 Forgetting bow-tie or socks $30 Forgetting mouthpiece $30 Playing with screw on rim $10 Blaming mistake on sticky valve $25 Getting marble or similar object stuck down bell $75 Polishing horn on stage $75


    LEAD SAX PLAYERS Playing Johnny Hodges type bends on high passages when not required $15 Using nausiatingly wide 'Guy Lombardo' vibrato on no vib passage $25 Failure to use bends and vibrato when required $100 Playing flashy show-off patterns while testing section mike $25 Playing flashy show-off patterns while rest of band tries to tune $50 Saying that every reed in a box sounds equally good $25 Actually playing on every reed in a box $50 Actually playing on every reed in a box and sounding equally good $2000 Playing Coltrane changes instead of written out 'In The Mood' solo $25 Playing Coltrane changes under someone else playing written solo $50 Quoting from Kenny G record $2500 Showing off old rare Selmer bought for peanuts in small town $500 Showing off very expensive Guardala mouthpiece to penniless section $75 Having very expensive clarinet and flute and sounding awful on both $100 Having very expensive clarinet and flute and sounding great on both $1000 Having very cheap clarinet and flute and sounding great on both 10000 Playing top tone on last chord which is higher than lead trumpet note $5 Emitting loud squeek on reed in opening of 'Harlem Nocturne' solo $50 Continuously squeeking during theme of 'Li'l Darlin'' $100


    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE Quoting Herb Alpert or Chick Mangione song $25 Casually mentioning to Musical Director that you also play keyboards $100 Discussing how plentiful gigs were in the old days $50 Farting on the bandstand $25 Talking about great deal on your new horn $10 Hawking old horn on bandstand $15 Having nicer gig bag than rest of section $10 Practicing legit style on commercial gig $35 Beginning sentence with 'When I played for Kenton....' $50


    BASIC STUPIDITY Playing on Jet-Tone mouthpiece $20 Continuously asking 'Where are we?' $25 Drunkenness on the gig $25 Stonedness on the gig $50 Sobriety on the gig $75 Sitting next to leader at pre/post-gig meal $100 Pretending to be friends with bone players $10 Actually being friends with bone players $20 Dating bone players $75 Loaning money to bone player (oops) amount loaned Wearing old MF Tour shirt $15 Wearing new MF Tour shirt $25

    Styxx

  2. #2

    Re: Big Band fines. $$$

    What's the fine for playing the little bit left over at the end?

  3. #3

    Re: Big Band fines. $$$

    Quote Originally Posted by Styxx
    Quoting from Kenny G record $2500
    Letting em' get off too easy.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Re: Big Band fines. $$$

    Quote Originally Posted by Andrew Koenig
    What's the fine for playing the little bit left over at the end?
    Dinner for the whole band.
    Styxx

  5. #5
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Talking Re: Big Band fines. $$$

    Quote Originally Posted by jazzer
    Letting em' get off too easy.
    Aaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha !
    Styxx

  6. #6

    Wink Re: Big Band fines. $$$

    WOW, now I understand that if I had been in this Band, I had to pay more than my salary....

  7. #7

    Re: Big Band fines. $$$

    Is there any fine for just knowing a bone player, even if you really don't like the guy?

    I'm not saying that I do, mind you...

    David
    www.DavidSosnowski.com
    .

  8. #8

    Talking Re: Big Band fines. $$$

    In a biography of Spike Jones, a former bandmate of his (from before he got into musical comedy) says that "at times people paid so little attention to the band, Spike would occasionally play the xylophone with one of his private parts -- he'd use it as one of the hammers."

    I'd look up the fine for that, but you don't seem to have any for percussionists!
    -- Jeff Lee
    Etiam singula minima maximi momenti est - Even the smallest detail is of the utmost importance

  9. #9
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Talking Re: Big Band fines. $$$

    Quote Originally Posted by Godfrey
    In a biography of Spike Jones, a former bandmate of his (from before he got into musical comedy) says that "at times people paid so little attention to the band, Spike would occasionally play the xylophone with one of his private parts -- he'd use it as one of the hammers."

    I'd look up the fine for that, but you don't seem to have any for percussionists!
    That's because they are the only one's on time.
    (Oh, I can't wait for the replies on that statement!)
    Styxx

  10. #10

    Re: Big Band fines. $$$

    ' God required that bands have 5 Saxes, whereas, trumpets and Trombones only needed 4 in their section, because it took 5 saxes to play in unison. '

    - atonal

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