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Topic: MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS

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  1. #1

    MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS

    An email just came my way with this little gem. I thought it was a real hoot. If you all have seen this, (I usually get these things about a year after they have made there internet rounds) I apologize.

    Karl

    MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS

    When requesting a song from the band, just say "play
    my song!" We have a chip implanted in our heads with
    an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every
    patron who ever walked into a bar and all songs ever
    recorded, so feel free to be vague, we love the
    challenge. If we do not remember exactly what tune you
    want, we're only kidding.

    Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep humming.
    Hum harder if need be... it helps jog the memory

    If a band tells you they do not know a song you want
    to hear, they either forgot that they know the tune or
    they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words
    for the band. Any words will do.

    It also helps to scream your request from across the
    room several times per set followed by the phrases,
    "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated hand
    gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor
    are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or
    your middle finger. Put-downs are the best way to jog
    a band's memory. This instantly promotes you to the
    status of "Personal Friend Of The Band."

    Entertainers are notorious fakers and jokesters and
    never really prepare for their shows. They simply walk
    on stage with no prior thought to what they will do
    once they arrive. An entertainer's job is so easy,
    even a monkey could do it, so don't let them off the
    hook easily. Your request is all that matters.

    If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks
    ago, the next band that follows will automatically
    know every metal tune the previous band ever played,
    even if the current band is a blues or country band.
    It's the law. Feel free to yell "AC/DC!" or "SLAYER!"
    to a band that plays strictly originals or jazz for
    example. Conversely, Deadheads may yell for Grateful
    Dead tunes at a dance or metal band.

    IMPORTANT

    When an entertainer leans over to hear you better,
    grab his or her head in both hands and yell directly
    into their ear, while holding their head securely so
    they cannot pull away. This will be taken as an
    invitation to a friendly and playful game of tug of
    war between their head and your hands. Don't give up!
    Hang on until the singer or guitar player submits.
    Drummers are often safe from this fun game since they
    usually sit in the back, protected by the guitar
    players. Keyboard players are protected by their
    instrument,and only play the game when tricked into
    coming out from behind their keyboards. Though
    difficult to get them play, it's not impossible, so
    keep trying. They're especially vulnerable during the
    break between songs.

    TALKING WITH THE BAND

    The best time to discuss anything with the band in any
    meaningful way is at the middle of a song when all
    band members are singing at the same time. Our hearing
    is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice
    from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around
    us.

    Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a musician
    does not reply to your question or comment during a
    tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your
    mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to
    scream your request and be sure to over emphasize the
    words with your lips. This helps immensely. Don't be
    fooled. Singers have the innate ability to answer
    questions and sing at the same time. If the singer
    doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless
    of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they
    are purposely ignoring you. If this happens,
    immediately cop an attitude. We love this.

    HELPING THE BAND

    If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band
    will appreciate your help with the next few tunes, or
    however long you can remain standing on stage. Just
    pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply feel free to
    walk up on stage and join in. By the way, the drunker
    you are, the better you sound, and the louder you
    should sing.

    If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl
    back up and attempt to sing harmony. Keep in mind that
    nothing assists the band more than outrageous dancing,
    fifth and sixth part harmonies, or a tambourine played
    out of tempo. Try the cowbell; they love the
    challenge. The band always needs the help and will
    take this as a compliment.

    VERY IMPORTANT

    Remember to allow enough time to make it from the
    stage to the bathroom in case of an emergency. On
    stage accidents are bad form. The band will carry on.

    BONUS TIP

    As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break
    and then get on stage and start playing their
    instruments. They love this. Even if you are ejected
    from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that
    you have successfully completed your audition. The
    band will call you immediately the following day to
    offer you a position. See you at the next gig ...

  2. #2

    Re: MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS

    Something similar happened to me years ago when I was still doing string quartet gigs. We were playing a wedding reception, doing the usual light classic stuff. At some point, this drunk guy came over and started requesting a song, I don't remember what. For some reason he just couldn't get it figured out that A) we didn't know the song, and B) we were not a rock band. Finally we got him to go away. Five minutes later he came back and did it again.
    Dan Powers
    www.danielpowers.info

    "It's easier to be a composer than it is to compose."
    --Ray Luke (1928-2010)

  3. #3
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Re: MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS

    Gezz Karl ya read my mind!
    Styxx

  4. #4

    Re: MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS

    Quote Originally Posted by danpowers
    Something similar happened to me years ago when I was still doing string quartet gigs. We were playing a wedding reception, doing the usual light classic stuff. At some point, this drunk guy came over and started requesting a song, I don't remember what. For some reason he just couldn't get it figured out that A) we didn't know the song, and B) we were not a rock band. Finally we got him to go away. Five minutes later he came back and did it again.
    Yep, It brought back a few of the horrors of my youth.

    Karl

  5. #5

    Re: MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS

    MIDNIGHT HOUR!!!

    FREE BIRD!!!

    ;-)

    ps - DARK STAR!!!!!!!!!

    Jim Jarnagin - no not THAT Jim Jarnagin, the other one.

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