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Topic: Thought you may need a laugh or six!

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Mar 2004
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    West Seneca, NY
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    Talking Thought you may need a laugh or six!

    A truck driver frequently traveled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were always lawyers walking along the road. The truck driver made it a practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by. One day, he spotted a priest walking along the road and stopped to give him a ride. A little further along, as he approached the town, he spotted a lawyer walking along the side of the road.

    Automatically, he veered his truck towards the lawyer, but...then he remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the center, but he heard a "whump" and in the rear view mirror he spotted the lawyer rolling across the field. He turned to the priest and said, "Father, I'm sure that I missed that lawyer." And the priest replied, "That's OK, my son, I got him with the door."


    Three high-rise steel workers busy on the 56 floor and the lunch whistle blows. First worker opens his lunch bucket. With a disappointed look on his face he says, “If I have another pork chop sandwich for lunch tomorrow I’m gonna jump off this building and kill myself!” The second guy opens his lunch bucket and also with a disappointed look says, “If I have another salami sandwich for lunch tomorrow I’m gonna jump off this building and kill myself too!” The third worker opens his lunch bucket and says, “If I have another baloney sandwich for lunch tomorrow I am going to kill myself too!”
    The next day the lunch whistle blows and the three of them sit down. The first worker opens his lunch bucket, screams and jumps off the building! The second worker opens his lunch bucket, screams and jumps off the building! The third worker opens his lunch bucket, screams and jumps off the building!
    At the funeral, three women are sitting but only two are crying. The two crying shout out, “If I would have known I would have packed him something else!” They continue to cry but before long turn and look at the third woman. She’s not making a sound just sitting quietly. The two ask her how she could be so cold and so calm? The third woman calmly explains, “I isn’t my fault Stanley made his own lunch every day!”

    A man goes on a first date with a lovely blonde to the drive in movies. After several minutes he decides to ask her if she would like to go in the backseat? She answers, “No thanks I think I ‘ll stay up here with you.”

    A blonde in a classic Porsche is towed into a gas station. The mechanic asks, "What's the problem?" She says, "I don't know, it just conked out." After he works on it a few minutes, it's purring like a kitten. She asks, "What was wrong with it?" The mechanic replies, "No big problem, just carp in the carburetor." She asks, "How many times a week do I have to do that?"

    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

    Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

    "It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
    Styxx

  2. #2

    Re: Thought you may need a laugh or six!

    Thanks, those were great!
    Sean Patrick Hannifin
    My MP3s | My Melody Generator | my album
    "serious music" ... as if the rest of us are just kidding

  3. #3

    Re: Thought you may need a laugh or six!

    Thanks for the laughs, it's just not truly a day yet without your jokes.
    Tim

  4. #4

    Re: Thought you may need a laugh or six!

    That one with the high-rise workers is my all-time favorite!!

    Thanks, Styxx!

    -Chris

  5. #5

    Re: Thought you may need a laugh or six!

    Quote Originally Posted by Styxx

    Three high-rise steel workers busy on the 56 floor and the lunch whistle blows. First worker opens his lunch bucket. With a disappointed look on his face he says, “If I have another pork chop sandwich for lunch tomorrow I’m gonna jump off this building and kill myself!” The second guy opens his lunch bucket and also with a disappointed look says, “If I have another salami sandwich for lunch tomorrow I’m gonna jump off this building and kill myself too!” The third worker opens his lunch bucket and says, “If I have another baloney sandwich for lunch tomorrow I am going to kill myself too!”
    The next day the lunch whistle blows and the three of them sit down. The first worker opens his lunch bucket, screams and jumps off the building! The second worker opens his lunch bucket, screams and jumps off the building! The third worker opens his lunch bucket, screams and jumps off the building!
    At the funeral, three women are sitting but only two are crying. The two crying shout out, “If I would have known I would have packed him something else!” They continue to cry but before long turn and look at the third woman. She’s not making a sound just sitting quietly. The two ask her how she could be so cold and so calm? The third woman calmly explains, “I isn’t my fault Stanley made his own lunch every day!”
    Not to mention the fact that after the first two guys jumped the third guy could have had a pork-chop sandwich AND a salami sandwich.

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