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Topic: Violent situation. What would you do?.

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  1. #1
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    Violent situation. What would you do?.

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    Its been one weird afternoon for several reasons but this is the one that's eating me:

    I'd parked opposite some shops while my wife went in to get some groceries. A guy with his young daughter in the back pulled up right in front of my car, stopped, then hit my bumper with some force. I got out and asked him what the hell he was doing, to which he replied that I was in his drive. I wasn't blocking his drive, wasn't on any "resident only" spaces. Where I was was perfectly legal and unobstructive.

    Anyway, when he said he'd done it deliberately I blew my top and had a go at him. No damage had actually been done to the car so after my outburst I was walking away when he got out the car and basically said that old let's- have-a-fight cliche: "C'mon on then". Right that moment, just for a split second I really saw red and the caveman in me really wanted to smack him one. But my wife came along and asked me to step away from it and just let it go. So I did.

    Now here's the thing: I do sometimes have a short temper but I'm not what you'd call violent, not having been in a fight since I was at school. Usually, I just steer clear of potentially violent encounters in clubs or whatever and don't think too much about events but for some reason this one has really eaten into me and I really feel the urge to go back and thump the crap out of him. I don't know if its because I walked away from it when my wife asked and its dented the ego of the caveman deep within, or that I feel justice wasn't done, or what. Logically, I feel that what I did was right (no damage, no potential criminal record!) but there's that primitive side that cannot get it out of my mind - almost as if this guy had played the bully and I'd let him.

    Counselling needed.

  2. #2
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    Re: Violent situation. What would you do?.

    You probably did the right thing actually. The fact that you didn't get drawn into any taunts suggests that even though you think you have a short temper, you are obviously in control, which is no bad thing and shows a level of maturity.

    I would tell you - when a guy says c'mon then, lets have a fight type of thing, 99.9% of the time, that is the last thing he actually wants. Whenever two blokes do ACTUALLY lose it and start physically fighting in the street or what have you, it generally winds up being almost comical and sort of agricultural. SO fighting is basically a waste of time, unless you are forced to defend yourself, which when you think about it, is incredibly rare.

    So while you may be thinking about this in negative red faced terms at the moment, as time passes, you will regard events like this as pathetic regarding the bloke that drove into your bumper.

  3. #3

    Re: Violent situation. What would you do?.

    I think you'll get over it, Jon.


    And yet I still want to kill that guy who stole my parking space 20 years ago. I was waiting and he just backed in and stole it.

    Know what? I'M GONNA GET HIM! Where's my shotgun? Ern, can I borrow yours?

  4. #4
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    Re: Violent situation. What would you do?.

    Cheers Guys The sage and the comedian, both what I should have been in this situation. I think I felt partly angry with myself for not being more cool headed about it all to begin with.

    When you're not writing masterpieces you're going to have to counsel other lost souls!. Its stupid, I know, to let something like that wind me up but God knows it did. I'm still seething (a bit less) but I suppose punching some raw sand will help my hulk rage

    take care

  5. #5
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    Re: Violent situation. What would you do?.

    What kind of person would act like that in front of their child ? I am guessing republican .

  6. #6
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    Re: Violent situation. What would you do?.

    Quote Originally Posted by amb
    What kind of person would act like that in front of their child ? I am guessing republican .
    Well, here in Britain it'd be the BNP. It was his poor kid that I really felt sorry for. He smelt of alchohol and (obviously) had been out driving. If I'd used my loaf....errr, head (loaf = loaf of bread = "head" in London) I would have phoned the police.

    Each year England gets worse and worse when it comes to violence. Maybe its just I've hit my 30s and started to blow it out of proportion, but people just seem more full of fear and aggressive with it. It used to be more the refuge of the football hooligan but that mentality seems to have spread. The problem is it becomes like cancer once it kicks in.

  7. #7
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    Re: Violent situation. What would you do?.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ernstinen
    JonP,

    There must be a disturbance in the force! I'm about the most non-violent person you'll ever meet, but if you've read my "Neighbor" thread, I've been really re-thinking my own self-protection.

    My own fear morphed into a more "caveman" mode a couple nights ago. I just lost it, telling my wife I felt like splitting open my neighbor's skull. It's the "fight or flight" syndrome that's in all humans. My "flight" reaction became a "fight" reaction. It's scary to feel like that, but natural, especially if you're protecting your family.

    But after letting those feelings out, I realized that it's not smart to pick a fight. But I now have a lot of non-lethal ways to protect myself. The primary one is pepper spray that both my wife and I carry. And I'm going to read a book that my sister-in-law, an accomplished martial artist, wrote. It's called "Eyes Wide Open --- Bodyguard Strategies for Self-Protection" by Kristie Kilgore. It's all about defense, not about street fighting! I'll give y'all a synopsis soon.

    Ern
    F*** me blind with a hammerdrill, I've spent 20mins reading your thread and your situation is insane and a gazillion times worse. At least I had the option of walking away, running away if necessary, or kicking the living daylights out of the bloke and that'd be that. There's nothing worse than living next door to a schizo who's blaming you for the insane noises in his head!. I can well imagine your urge to get to him before he gets to you.

    I can't ride with gun culture (although some of those posts were bloody funny) but I think your self-defense move is shrewd.

  8. #8

    Re: Violent situation. What would you do?.

    Ahh. The joys of adrenalin - the ultimate designer drug.

    It's the drug of fight or flight. You will simultaneously feel that you want to kill the guy, and that you wish it had never happened - that you could flee from the situation.

    It will also give you cotton mouth, and make you need to go to the bathroom. And it makes you kinda stupid.

    I swim competitively, and our coach counsels us to stay calm until about five minutes before a race. Once you're in the window, start worrying. Then pee. Chapstick might help the dry mouth. Then get your stuff together, memorize your heat and lane and walk over to the blocks. You should have major butterflies in the stomach about now, and want to die. But it makes you swim really fast. I can feel the adrenalin in my system just writing about it.

    The memory of the event is likely to give you that adrenalin rush. Even with the negative side effects, it's addictive. See if you can't channel that into something different - playing a high-stress video game, playing a drum solo or arm wrestling the big guy in the pub.

    You probably have lots of other memories that can trigger an adrenalin rush, and lots of different activities where you can apply it. "The Parking Jerk" just happens to be your latest, and most intense, adrenalin story.

    -JF

  9. #9
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    Re: Violent situation. What would you do?.

    Quote Originally Posted by JonP
    Cheers Guys The sage and the comedian, both what I should have been in this situation. I think I felt partly angry with myself for not being more cool headed about it all to begin with.
    Well thanks Jon - but I'm not that funny!

    A ram rage isolated incident is quite good for getting the heart pumping and then a day or later you can forget about it.
    Nuisance neighbours of the sort that Ern has are more tricky. I'm not saying I've had any experience of this kind of thing you understand - but I would try understanding and empathy maybe twice. If that did not resolve the situation, my neighbours worst nightmare would come true.

    I would introduce them to Mr Barlow!

    Mind you, she is 92 and a very sweet old dear.

  10. #10

    Re: Violent situation. What would you do?.

    Such situations happen all the time in NYC. Just the way things are (cramped). Tensions high..etc.

    I went out front of my building to have a cig. As soon as I walk out..a car trying to double park..hits one of my neighbors cars. Then, proceeds to try and leave. 2 of my other neighbors were in a car..right behind her. Sees her try to leave...jump from the car and says...woah...you can't leave. She argues with them...about that time...her boyfriend comes out of the bank next door...runs up..and has a few words with the 2 guys. He says...I'm going to leave. I jumped in because things were starting to get out of hand.

    I told them..look...everybody calm down. That they should wait for the neighbor who owns the car to come down and let them handle it. The guy says..I'm going to leave. And I said..that's up to you. But, it's leaving the scene of an accident..and we have your tag number. He told me...that's fine. You are doing the right thing to look after your neighbors car...but I've got places to go. If they need me...you have the tag number. All the while..my other 2 neighbors are getting more aggitated with the guy and I realize one of them is drunk.

    The guy gets in his car..and starts to leave..and I figure..that's the end of it.
    When..the drunk neighbor...walks back to his window as he's trying to leave..and spits at the guy..saying..comeone bitch. Come on. And the guy jumps out of his car..knocks him to the ground...and starts kicking him in the face. The guys brother...jumps in...and he hits him. I stepped into the middle of it..and said...WOAH!....STOP THIS...and the guy grabs me. He whirled me to ground...but did not injure me or hit/kick me. By now..everybody is seperated. The drunk brother staggered back to his car. The other brother..lip bleeding was pushed back by another neighbor.

    5 other nieghbors are outside in the middle. 3 cars had stopped and the man came to me to ask me if I was ok. I laughed and said...I'm too friggin old to be breaking up fights. As things seemed as though they might calm down...the drunk brother..emerges from his car..with a tire iron..and he's got blood in his eye. We all jumped in and tried to keep him at bay...but he was swinging at anybody who got in his way. Fortunately..he was so drunk...he fell on on his own..and his brother managed to take the tire iron from him.

    No cops ever showed. The precinct is just across the street.

    In the end..the neighbor came downstairs and looked at his car (which already beatup) and didn't even care. He asked if we were ok. Just seems ridiculous...over such a thing. But, it happens. The thing is to not let it escalate. People are going to be mad..just keep things calm...and don't get all bowed up on people. That's the key to getting through anything.

    This was just another example of a stupid altercation over nothing. I think everybody was lucky it was nothing worse than a few black eyes and scrapes..and torn clothing an hurt egos. But, it easily could have been. It's also a reminder...that "I" am getting far too old for this stuff.

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