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Topic: Heaven vs. Hell

  1. #1

    Re: Heaven vs. Hell

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    I don\'t think Nick would say \"unfortunately dies\" [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]


  2. #2

    Re: Heaven vs. Hell

    Originally posted by robh:
    I don\'t think Nick would say \"unfortunately dies\" [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

    <font size=\"2\" face=\"Verdana, Arial\">That could get me arrested by the SS and left to rot with all the brown people who hate freedom.

  3. #3

    Re: Heaven vs. Hell

    [quote]Originally posted by Nick Phoenix:
    That could get me arrested by the SS and left to rot with all the brown people who hate freedom.
    <font size=\"2\" face=\"Verdana, Arial\">Ah, they don\'t mind. They hate freedom anyway, remember? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif[/img]

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Dorset, UK

    Re: Heaven vs. Hell

    I heard that Bush (and Blair) got nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize! For their war on Iraq and so making the world a safer, more peaceful place. This was announced on a weekend that half a dozen transatlantic flights were grounded because of the increased threat of terrorism.

    And I was so sure he was going to get the prize for literature..

  5. #5

    Heaven vs. Hell

    A little something to divert you with. [img]images/icons/wink.gif[/img]


    Heaven vs Hell

    While vacationing on his ranch one August day, George \"Dubya\" Bush gets thrown from his Segway, lands on a rattlesnake, gets bit and
    unfortunately dies because the emergency room at the nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates.

    \"Welcome to Heaven,\" says St. Peter. \"Before you settle in, it seems
    there is a problem: We seldom see a Republican around these parts, so we\'re not sure what to do with you.\"

    \"No problem, just let me in; I\'m a believer.\" says Dubya.

    \"I\'d like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself:
    He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you\'ll live for eternity.\"

    \"But, I\'ve already made up my mind; I want to be in Heaven.\"

    \"I\'m sorry, but we have our rules.\" And with that, St. Peter escorts
    him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it his dad...and thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years..Karl Rove, **** Cheney, Jerry Falwell .... The whole of the \"Right\" was there... everyone laughing ... happy .... casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the \"suckers and peasants\". They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

    The Devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty drink, \"Have a
    Margarita and relax, Dubya!\"

    \"Uh, I can\'t drink no more, I took a pledge,\" says Junior, dejectedly.

    \"This is Hell, son: you can drink and eat all you want and not worry,
    and it just gets better from there!\"

    Dubya takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks
    is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious
    nasty pranks. kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it\'s time to go.

    Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Bush steps on the elevator
    and heads upward.

    When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is
    waiting for him. \"Now it\'s time to visit Heaven,\" the old man says,
    opening the gate.

    So for 24 hours Bush is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
    good-natured people who enjoy each other\'s company, talk about things
    other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great, it\'s not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn\'t see anybody he knows, and he isn\'t even treated like someone special! Worst of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie with his endless \'peace\' and \'do unto others\' jive.

    Whoa,\" he says uncomfortably to himself, \"Pat Robertson never prepared me for this!\"

    The day done, St. Peter returns and says, \"Well, then, you\'ve spent a
    day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for

    With the \'Jeopardy\' theme playing softly in the background, Dubya
    reflects for a minute, then answers: \"Well, I would never have thought I\'d say
    -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all --but I really think I
    belong in Hell with my friends.\"

    So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
    down, all the way to Hell.

    The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren
    scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste... kind of like Houston. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and
    chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.
    They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The Devil comes over to Dubya and puts an arm around his shoulder.

    \"I don\'t understand,\" stammers a shocked Dubya, \"Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and
    caviar...drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now
    there\'s just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!\"

    The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, \"Yesterday we were
    campaigning; today you voted for us.\"

  6. #6

    Re: Heaven vs. Hell

    That is the best thing I have ever read concerning the dictator. Thanks for that.

  7. #7

    Re: Heaven vs. Hell

    I\'m glad you liked it..

    -Thought we needed a little laugh on top of all the quarrels lately... [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

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